A survey by business today reveals the shock conclusion that most graduates are quite young. A spokesperson expressed the business community's concerns:"We are extremely worried that the young people of today don't have as much experience as older people. Our survey has shown that a graduate employee aged 22 has up to 20 years less experience at working than an equivalent person aged 42.
"More and more graduates are coming out of University with good degrees and we are convinced that they are getting their excellent and improving results by being great big cheats, and having easy-peasy-lemon-squeezy exams that are all mutliple choice anyway, and everyone knows they could be passed by a moronic chimp. It isn't like the old days, when I was pointed out as one of the most elite people in the world and therefore got where I am today by just being better than everybody else. Also, there innadiquate at spelling and don't know nothing about grammar too as well."
The survey made several further conclusions. The main points are that new graduates are:
- 98% less likely to have a combover than their boss.
- 100% more likely to look cool in sports clothing.
- 72% of female graduates don't cut the labels out of their clothing and then lie about being a size ten.
- 92% less likely to be embittered by a messy divorce.
- and only 4% percent are prone to whining on about their early life struggles and how it was much tougher in the good old days and how people today don't know they're born, what with their texting, computers, gnocci, mutliple TV channels, budget air travel and frappucinos.
Sir Piers Old-Etonian, chairman of the NIFWIMUSBBB (The National Institute for Whingeing Inadequately Framed and Researched Made-Up Surveys by British Industry) said: "It's about time all young people were given a clip round the ear, after all, it never did me any harm."
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