I apologise. I am not usually the sort of person who will set out to hurt anyone's feelings. especially not in public. But I have decided today to announce that I am never ever going on a date with Elisha Cuthbert. Not for anything.
The reason I am having to disappoint the sometime blond, bow-lipped beauty of American Tv and film is little to do with the fact that I am decades older than her, do not move in Hollywood circles or play Ice Hockey to professional standard (If she thinks these reasons aren't enough already) but, having only recently caught up and watched the first two seasons of 24 I have decided that the girl is simply too risky to spend time around.
So far she has been kidnapped three times, arrested at half-hourly intervals, implicated in drug dealing, witnessed 4 murders at close hand - commiting one of them and being charged with another, caused her (then) boyfriend to have his leg amputated, almost drowned, been under threat from a nuclear bomb, been abducted in a home made nuclear bunker by Johnny Drama and then an accidental burglar-come-murderer in a liquor store, almost eaten by cougars and nearly been shot, stabbed, blown up, tortured or beaten to death too many times to count. And that's just in two days! As well as that, her father is a really serious hard-case who knows all about torturing people and will kill you as much as look at you. I ask you. Is that the sort of young lady you would take on a date even if she wouldn't stop pestering you? I think not. I mean, everyone likes a little danger in a relationship but most of the people she speaks to seem to meet some kind of grisly end fairly rapidly after first contact. And that's not a chance I'm willing to take. To paraphrase Jack, I am going to do everything in my power to ensure my own safety.
So it's a good job that she's so toughened by all these experiences, because, let's face it, there is no way of letting someone down gently. Rejection always feels like a hammer blow.
I am sorry Elisha, but whatever you thought could happen between us, can't.
The reason I am having to disappoint the sometime blond, bow-lipped beauty of American Tv and film is little to do with the fact that I am decades older than her, do not move in Hollywood circles or play Ice Hockey to professional standard (If she thinks these reasons aren't enough already) but, having only recently caught up and watched the first two seasons of 24 I have decided that the girl is simply too risky to spend time around.
So far she has been kidnapped three times, arrested at half-hourly intervals, implicated in drug dealing, witnessed 4 murders at close hand - commiting one of them and being charged with another, caused her (then) boyfriend to have his leg amputated, almost drowned, been under threat from a nuclear bomb, been abducted in a home made nuclear bunker by Johnny Drama and then an accidental burglar-come-murderer in a liquor store, almost eaten by cougars and nearly been shot, stabbed, blown up, tortured or beaten to death too many times to count. And that's just in two days! As well as that, her father is a really serious hard-case who knows all about torturing people and will kill you as much as look at you. I ask you. Is that the sort of young lady you would take on a date even if she wouldn't stop pestering you? I think not. I mean, everyone likes a little danger in a relationship but most of the people she speaks to seem to meet some kind of grisly end fairly rapidly after first contact. And that's not a chance I'm willing to take. To paraphrase Jack, I am going to do everything in my power to ensure my own safety.
So it's a good job that she's so toughened by all these experiences, because, let's face it, there is no way of letting someone down gently. Rejection always feels like a hammer blow.
I am sorry Elisha, but whatever you thought could happen between us, can't.
If you are going to post spam comments on my blog then please make sure that you are not so dumb that you can't even get your english verb formations correct and make you spam crap make sense. Thank you.
ReplyDelete