Sunday, July 23, 2006

today: dedication's what you need

Apart from keeping David Frost in a job long after he had given up with the satire and hard hitting interviews and had yet to settle on the genteel pointlessness of Through The Keyhole, I never could really see the point of World Records. I had a Guiness book in about 1978 and, in retrospect, I found it pretty boring. Last night on TV I watched a few minutes of a TV show where people set out to break some world records. Baton twirling, breakdancing and the like. My question is....why? Listing records strikes me as a childish macho attempt to control the world by statitics, another version of re-alphabetising your footie programmes collection whilst waiting for your airfix models to dry.

Of course, everyone who grew up in the same era as me has memories of Roy Castle and Record Breakers. Whilst Roy was busy turning a diused fridge into a trumpet, Norris McWhirter was put on the spot and was asked questions by the children in the audience. Norris, as befits any extreme right politican, answered every question with a politicians gift for obfuscation, dissembling and, if none of that worked, simply changing the subject. Norris was supposed to have and eidetic memory but didn't really (mainly because the notion of an eidetic memory is complete rubbish). A typical exhange went thus:

Rosy cheeked Sylvia Young Theatre school kid : My question is what is the largest bowl of custard in the world?
Norris : That's a very interesting question. During the largest custard pie fight in the world, that took place in Chorley in the North of England in 1976, where 212 residents managed to throw 748 custard pies in a minute, I imagine that they filled the pies from a pretty large bowl of custard.

It wasn't even complicated. Anyone can lie to a child.

So anyway, just to prove how pointless this world-record breaking thing is, I am currently limbering up for my very own attempt. The record is a pretty challenging one - The World's shortest blog entry. I shall be attempting it later today, or maybe tomorrow.

Wish me luck and Godspeed.

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